My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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