Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
