it hurts more in the daytime
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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