remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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