i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
