omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Randomize
