the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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