i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
