So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
