You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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