dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
