Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
