Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
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the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
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I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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