just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
