Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
