Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
