your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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