oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
