i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
