listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
