My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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