You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
