Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
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mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
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the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.