sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
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I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.