I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died