We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.