I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY