Writing my paper on freud at bar
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are