Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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