i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
