she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
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I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
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look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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