I can text with my tongue
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
