So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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