We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
