Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Can vaginas get frostbite?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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