dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
