she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize