saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
