I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
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