John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
