Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
