so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
