i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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