I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
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What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
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He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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