Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
