Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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