So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
