I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
