i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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