How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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