Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
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Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
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We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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