Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
