as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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