i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
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