your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
