When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
