i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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