I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
