dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
