I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
