totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
