Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize