I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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