My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
