That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
