Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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