Dual....:-)
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
