guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
