My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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