my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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