Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
