There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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