Define "chronic" masturbator.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Randomize
