im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
