he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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