Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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