Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
