Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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