I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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